I Love Steven Wright.

I Think Cats Would Have An Even Worse Attitude If They Found Out How Stupid Their Names Were.

A Car Alarm Is A Way For A Car To Tell Everyone That Its Owner Is An Asshole.

Glitter Is The Herpes Of Craft Supplies.

I Wonder If It's Rude For A Deaf Person To Talk With Food In Their Hands.

I Saw A Door That Said Exit Only. So I Entered Through It And Went Up To The Guy Working There And Said "i Have Good News. You Have Severely Underestimated That Door Over There. By Like A Hundred Percent."