I'm Too Cynical To Be

The Opposite Of Sad Is Down's Syndrome.

Everyone Gets Laid Off And Everyone In Hollywood Gets Unemployment For Six Months While They're Looking For A New Job. So I Would Just Do Stand-up For Six Months And Think I Was Really Making It, And When My Unemployment Ran Out, I Had To Get Another Job Immediately.

You Look Like You Deep Fry Your Hands Before You Bite Your Fingernails.

The Driving Force Behind Doing Everything That I've Been Doing As A Stand-up Is Having Problems With Authority And Not Liking To Be Told What To Do.

I Never Go See Live Comedy Shows Because I Just Sit In The Audience Thinking, "here's What I Would Say. Here's What I Would Do If I Got Up There." It Drives Me Crazy.