I Need To Give Affection

I Need To Give Affection And Love, Because Without That, I Wither. I Need To Give That Love To Someone. Without That, I'm Rudderless.

I Can Always Tell When The Mother In Law's Coming To Stay; The Mice Throw Themselves On The Traps.

I Toyed With The Idea Of Playing Ravel's 'pavane Pour Une Infante Defunte' But I Couldn't Remember If It's A Tune Or Latin Prescription For Piles.

My Mother-in-law's So Fat That When She Passes Her Handbag From Hand To Hand She Throws It.

I'm Often Accused Of Saying Some Pretty Rotten Things About My Mother-in-law. But Quite Honestly, She's Only Got One Major Fault - It's Called Breathing.