I Never Write A Play

Baptists Are Only Funny Underwater.

I Don't Like Dating Or Just Living With A Woman. I Like To Create A Relationship, A Marriage. And Almost All Of My Marriages Have Involved Children, So I'm Really A Family Man As Well.

I Don’t Like Writing For Comedians. I Like Writing For Actors. The Best Comedians Are The Best Actors.

There Are Two Million Interesting People In New York And Only Seventy-eight In Los Angeles.

You Must Realize That Honorary Degrees Are Given Generally To People Whose Sat Scores Were Too Low To Get Them Into Schools The Regular Way. As A Matter Of Fact, It Was My Sat Scores That Led Me Into My Present Vocation In Life, Comedy.