I Really Feel Like It's

If You Haven't Peed The Bed, You Haven't Taken Enough Chances.

Our Entire Civilization Is Built On A Foundation Of Unfixable Bullshit.

The Time You Spend Hating On Someone Robs You Of Your Own Time. You Are Literally Hating On Yourself And You Don't Even Realize It.

Comedy Is Really Not Like Any Other Art Form In That It's Very Specialized And Varied In It's Content, But Generic In It's Title.

If I Could Make The Same Amount Of Money Doing Standup It Would Be No Contest. The Problem Is That If You Do Make That Kind Of Money Doing Standup, It's Not In Clubs, It's In Big Auditoriums And Large Venues, And I Really Think Something Is Lost When You Do Standup For A Big Crowd.