I Told My Mother-in-law That

My Sex Life Has Gone From Bad To Pathetic. My G Spot Stands For Godforsaken.

With This Face, I Need All The Deals I Can Get.

Emotional Troubles Are Like Landfill. Get Them Outside, And The Air Disintegrates Them.

I'm So Fat And I'm So Depressed; Last Night I Tried To Hang Myself - But The Rope Broke.

I Think We All In Comedi Business, Especially When We Reach A Certain Age, Are Divas Up To A Point. I Love When A Limousine Comes For Me, I Can't Lie About That. I Love When You Go To A Restaurant And They Say, "come This Way, Miss Rivers," And You Get A Good Table. I Love All That, The Perks That Come With The Business.