I've Always Suffered From A

If You Can Make Just One Person Laugh, Then You Are Already Doing Better Than Tony Danza.

I'm Not As Good A Swimmer As I Used To Be - Thanks To Evolution.

When I Was A Kid My Parents Used To Tell Me, "emo, Don't Go Near The Cellar Door!" One Day When They Were Away, I Went Up To The Cellar Door. And I Pushed It And Walked Through And Saw Strange, Wonderful Things, Things I Had Never Seen Before, Like... Trees. Grass. Flowers. The Sun... That Was Nice... The Sun.

Computers Aren't Intelligent, They Only Think They Are.

My Girlfriend Said, Just Buy Me Something Crazy And Expensive, Something I Don't Even Need! So, I Signed Her Up For Radiation Treatment.