I Want To Get A

My Girlfriend Makes Me Want To Be A Better Person... So I Can Get A Better Girlfriend.

Every Year I Volunteer At A Hospital On Thanksgiving, Deep-frying Turkeys In The Children's Burn Unit. I Do It Just To See The Looks On Their Little "faces."

I Come Up With My Jokes By Thinking Of A Topic.

I Like The Idea Of Being The Funny Guy In The Dramatic Thing, Playing A Hit Man With A Weird Sense Of Humor.

I Don't Want To Wake Up With Cops Surrounding My Bed Tonight.