I Was So Ugly My

My Kid Wants To Be A Prison Warden When He Grows Up So He Can Put Thumb Tacks On The Electric Chairs.

I Shouldn't Tell Jokes About My Wife. She's Attached To A Machine That Keeps Her Alive... The Refrigerator.

My Mother Used To Rock Me - And She Used Big Rocks.

My Daughters Been Picked Up So Many Times She's Starting To Grow Handles

I Went To A Gay Bar, They Wanted Proof Of Sex So I Showed Them, They Said It Wasn't Enough.