If I Tried To Flirt

I'm Surprized Hitler Didn't Round Up The Toupee People.

I Had A Wonderful Childhood, Which Is Tough Because It's Hard To Adjust To A Miserable Adulthood.

I Couldn't Be Happier That President Bush Has Stood Up For Having Served In The National Guard, Because I Can Finally Put An End To All Those Who Questioned My Motives For Enlisting In The Army Reserve At The Height Of The Vietnam War.

I Learned The First Night That Ihop's Not The Place To Order Fish.

I'd Much Rather Be On Stage Talking To A Couple Of Retards For Twenty Bucks Than Sitting At My Desk Thinking Up Jokes For...well Let's Say A Few Dollars More.