If It Gets Any Hotter

He [groucho's Father] Had Absolutely No Training, And If You Had Ever Seen One Of His Suits, You'd Realize What An Accurate Statement That Is. You See, Pop Never Used A Tape Measure. He Didn't Believe In It. He Said He Could Just Look At A Man And Tell His Size, With The Result That Frequently He'd Make A Pair Of Pants With One Trouser Leg Seven Or Eight Inches Longer Than The Other.

A Hospital Bed Is A Parked Taxi With The Meter Running.

I Must Confess, I Was Born At A Very Early Age.

Do They Allow Tipping On The Boat? - Yes, Sir. Have You Got Two Fives? - Oh, Yes, Sir. Then You Won't Need The Ten Cents I Was Going To Give You.

Would You Mind Getting Off That Fly Paper And Giving The Flies A Chance?" "ahhh, You Can't Trick Me! Flies Don't Read Papers!