If My Jeans Could Talk,

Religion Is Such A Medieval Idea. Don't Get Me Started. I Have Thought About Every Facet Of Religion, And I Can't Buy Any Of It.

I Finally Had A Ship Tattooed To My Chest. I Wanted Something On It.

Remarrying A Husband You've Divorced Is Like Having Your Appendix Put Back In.

My Husband Is So Cheap. On Christmas Eve, He Fires One Shot And Tells The Kids Santa Committed Suicide.

A Friend Told Me The Longer You Keep Romano Cheese, The Better It Gets. So, I Kept It Three Years. And This Thing Turned Mean. Now And Then I'd Open The Refrigerator Door And Throw It Some Food. I'd Have To Walk It Now And Then. And Then It Grew This One Leg. And It's Got This Ugly Fuzz All Over It. And The Dogs Won't Run With It.