My Husband Is So Cheap.

Never Refer To Your Wedding Night As The Original Amateur Hour.

I Asked My Hairdresser What Would Look Good On Me. She Says A Los Angeles Rams Football Helmet.

One [expert] Said, 'always Have A Baby Sitter Who Is Acquainted With Your Children.' If They Were Acquainted With My Children, They Wouldn't Sit!

My Idea Of Exercise Is A Good Brisk Sit.

If My Jeans Could Talk, They'd Plead For Mercy.