If You Can't Tell A

I'm Very Hip-oriented. I Focus On Hips In My Comedy - Probably More Than Any Other Hipster Comic Who Is Out There Hipping Today. My Hips, Other Hips. I Work With My Hips A Great Deal. That Is What I Do. But Not In A Gay Way.

It's Not The Size Of The Dog In The Fight, It's The Size Of The Dog's Owner - And The Distance You Are From Your Car.

If You Want To Feel Less Sexy Put Scotch Tape On Your Nipples.

When I Was In High School I Experimented Sexually. The Experiment Was To Never Have Sex With Anybody No Matter How Hard I Tried. Success! Hypothesis Confirmed.

My Credit Card Company Says I Have An Outstanding Balance. I'm Flattered.