I'm A Joke Comic. I

My Day Jobs... I Knew I Was Bad At Those, So I Didn't Really Have The Confidence To Think That I Could Do Comedy. But I Knew I Hated The Day Jobs.

Let's Say You're In A Situation Where Crystal Meth Can Help You. Like, I Don't Know, You Have Too Many Teeth.

I'm Sorry, Was That Homophobic? No--i Think It Was, 'cause I Hear That A Lot. Dave, What?, You're Talking About Being Gay. You Probably Secretly Are Gay. And I'm Like Listen Voice In My Head, I'm Not! How Do You Know You Wouldn't Like It? How Do You Know You Wouldn't Like It? I Know I Wouldn't Like It, Other Scarier Voice In My Head! 'cause One Time While Making A Sandwich, A Cucumber Went Up My Ass. Three Times.

I Get Recognized, But I'm Not Really A Famous Famous.

My Cousin Had A Baby And I Was Watching Her Breastfeed For A Couple Of Bucks, And I'll Tell You Ladies: It's Amazing.