I'm Not As Good A

When I Was Young, My Father Had A Serious Heart Attack. He Survived, But We Lost Our House And Car. Under The Canadian Medicare System, Though, We Would Have Kept The House And Car And Would Have Just Had To Pay The Inheritance Tax.

The Way I Understand It, The Russians Are Sort Of A Combination Of Evil And Incompetence... Sort Of Like The Post Office With Tanks.

I Was At The Wal-mart, Which Is Where I Think Everybody Goes Eventually. If They Die Without Christ.

My Dad Always Said, If Someone Hands You A Lemon, Make Lemonade. Plus That Also Works Wonderfully As A Metaphor.

Women: You Can't Live With Them, And You Can't Get Them To Dress Up In A Skimpy Little Nazi Costume And Beat You With A Warm Squash Or Something.