I'm Very Resourceful. I'd Be

Newt Gingrich Had A Horrible Week In The Iowa Caucuses. Only 13 Percent Of His Ex-wives Voted For Him.

Way Too Much Coffee. But If It Weren't For The Coffee, I'd Have No Identifiable Personality Whatsoever.

President Bush Has Said That He Does Not Need Approval From The Un To Wage War, And I'm Thinking, Well, Hell, He Didn't Need The Approval Of The American Voters To Become President, Either.

Someone Did A Study Of The Three Most-often-heard Phrases In New York City. One Is "hey Taxi." Two Is "what Train Do I Take To Get To Bloomingdales?" And Three Is "don't Worry, It's Only A Flesh Wound.

Night Clubs Scare Me. They're Dark And They Stink And They're Dangerous And Everybody's Drunk.