I've Always Thought The Best

I Was Walking Down Fifth Avenue Today And I Found A Wallet, And I Was Gonna Keep It, Rather Than Return It, But I Thought: Well, If I Lost A Hundred And Fifty Dollars, How Would I Feel? And I Realized I Would Want To Be Taught A Lesson.

I Used To Be Scared Of Pretty Girls, Until One Confessed They're Just As Scared Of Me.

How Many People Here Have Telekenetic Powers? Raise My Hand.

I Think Of People As Members Of An Audience. But An Audience Acts Independently Of Every Individual. It's An Organism On Its Own. I Focus On That Living Hydra In The Dark.

I Caught My Wife In Bed With Another Man And I Was Crushed. So I Said, "get Off Of Me, You Two!"