Let's Have A Moment Of

I'm Kind Of Obsessed With Food. I Like To Eat. When I Tour, It's Like, Well, Like A Food Tour As Much As A Comedy Tour.

I Never Had The Desire To Be A Professional Twitterer. Every Now And Then Something Dumb Pops Into My Head And I'll Tweet It. I Don't Feel Any Obligation To Respond To Everyone. Not That I Don't Appreciate People Sending Me Messages On There, But There Are Too Many. Responding To Everyone Would Take Away Time For All The Stuff I'm Actually In The Business For.

Oh, What's This In My Shoe? Red Carpet Insole. Everywhere I Go, I'm Walking On Red Carpet.

So Many Gay Jokes Tonight About (james) Franco. Apparently If You're Clean, Well Dressed And Mildly Cultured, You're Super Gay Now. Is That Why The Rest Of You Guys Are So Aggressively Fat And Dirty? You Think If You Read One Book And Take A Shower, Dicks Are Going To Just Fly Into Your Face.

If Your Job Was Remotely Interesting, There Would Be A Show On A&e About It.