Mom Used To Say I

People Think I Am Dead Because They Haven’t Seen Me Around For Awhile. I’m Not Dead, I’m Very Much Alive, As You Can See. Although, There Are Two Things I Do Before I Get Up Every Morning. I Look Around And If I Don’t Smell Flowers Or See Candles Flickering I Go Ahead And Get Up.

I Don't Hate My Enemies. After All, I Made 'em.

There Are Three Signs Of Old Age: Loss Of Memory ... I Forget The Other Two.

Remember: Marriage Is The Number One Cause Of Divorce

You Know, Last Night It Was So Cold That My Pillow And My Sheets Fought To See Who Got Under The Blankets First.