My Dad's Dying Wish Was

All Comedians Are A Bit Attention-seeking And I'm No Different. Anyone With The Audacity To Want To Be Listened To For An Hour And A Half Must Be.

I'm Not Worried About The Third World War. That's The Third World's Problem.

Let's Face It, The Gene Pool Needs A Little Chlorine.

I Used To Buy Lottery Tickets Every Week Until I Realised You Could Watch It On Tv For Nothing.

Saying That You Don't Believe In Magic But Do Believe In God Is A Bit Like Saying You Don't Have Sex With Dogs, Except Labradors.