My Stand-up Is Quite Good

If You Get Too Well-known In Comedy, I Do Believe It Blocks People From Taking You In Drama.

Scrabble Was Invented By Nazis To Piss Off Kids With Dyslexia.

I'm Quite Good At Taking In Information So I Voraciously Inhale Wikipedia - Which May Have Some Things Wrong In It, But I Think Is Generally More Information Than We Had Before. Last Tour We Didn't Have Wikipedia. And Then Discovery Channel And History Channel. I Can Take It In And Retain What I Think Are The Most Important Facts.

We Will Now Sing Forth, Hymn 405, 'oh God, What On Earth Is My Hairdo All About?

I'd Like To Have Sex With Myself.