Nine Times Out Of 10,

I Really Lived Life To Its Fullest And That Got Me In Trouble From Time To Time.

Vicodin, I Got Addicted To That Little Pill. The Reason I Dont Talk About It Too Much In The Press Is Because It Isnt Funny, And I Love To Be Funny In Interviews. If You Joke About That Period In Your Life, It Doesnt Seem Right.

It's Not Foreign For Me To Be Talking About My Problems In Circles.

I Would Like You All To Give Me A Round Of Applause As I Have Not Crashed My Car In Over 15 Months.

Women Always Think That I'm Chandler, So If I Don't Joke Around For Half An Hour They Think That Something's Wrong. Then I Explain That I Don't Have Comedy Writers Scripting Everything I'm Saying At This Particular Dinner.