No Matter How Happy Anyone

The Best Thing About Being 45 Is Not Taking Myself So Seriously. Do I Miss The Package I Came In At 25? I Do. Gravity Is No One's Friend. Yet The Perspective I've Gained Is So Worth The Wear And Tear. What Would Have Mortified Me At 25 Is Now Simply Fodder For A Funny, Relatable Story. Also? I Was A Waitress At 25, And Now I'm An Author. Forty-five Is Definitely Better.

Maybe I've Moved To The Dark Side, But It's Clean And Nice And We Never Run Out Of Toilet Paper.

For The Record? I Have Never Been Her Baby. In Fact, I Reject The Notion Of Coming Out Of Her Body. I Prefer To Believe I Was Hatched, Or Perhaps Purchased.

I Can't Believe Anyone Would Voluntarily Run 26 Miles. Sometimes I Sit On The Couch Cross-legged Because I Don't Feel Like Walking To The Bathroom.

Ambien Might Have Mentally Just Tossed My Salad. With Croutons.