Now There's A Seven-day Waiting

When I Was A Kid My Dad Would Say, "emo, Do You Believe In The Lord?" I'd Say, "yes!" He'd Say, "then Stand Up And Shout Hallelujah!" So I Would ... And I'd Fall Out Of The Roller Coaster.

I Lent A Friend Of Mine $10,000 For Plastic Surgery And Now I Don't Know What He Looks Like.

I Used To Think That The Brain Was The Most Wonderful Organ In My Body. Then I Realized Who Was Telling Me This.

Women: You Can't Live With Them, And You Can't Get Them To Dress Up In A Skimpy Little Nazi Costume And Beat You With A Warm Squash Or Something.

The Other Day A Woman Came Up To Me And Said, Didn't I See You On Television? I Said, I Don't Know. You Can't See Out The Other Way.