Owning A Dog Is Slightly

I Still Believe In The Holy Trinity, Except Now It's Target, Trader Joe's, And Ikea.

I Never Ever, Ever Say Anything Against My Husband To Anyone Except My Husband. Everyone Gets In Fights, And I Think The Natural Propensity For Women Is, 'oh I Want To Talk To Someone.' But The Minute You Take What Bothers You Outside The Bond Between You And Your Husband, You Let Someone Else Into The Relationship And That Causes A Wedge.

As I Examine My Life Through This Book, I Can't Help But Wonder If My Mother Was Right. Maybe I Really Was What I Ate. And Maybe If She'd Let Me Eat A Little More Sugar, I'd Have Come Out Sweeter.

The Living Room Is A Monument To My Impulsive Spending Habits. I've Got More Than Two Hundred Dvds, Including Cinematic Greats Such As Monkey Bone, Corkey Romano, And A Night At The Roxbury, Leading Me To Believe Not Only Do I Have Awful Taste In Films, But I Also Have A Chris Kattan Fixation. What I Don't Have Is $4000 Earing Intrest In A Money Market Account.

Despite My Best Efforts, I'm Not Quite Perfect. Let's Just Say I'm Like One Of Those Hopi Blankets Where They Leave A Tiny Flaw So As To Not Affront The Lord.