People Ask What I Am

The Powder Is Mixed With Water And Tastes Exactly Like Powder Mixed With Water.

Writing Humor In My Column Isn't As Dangerous As Performing It. If I Fail In Front Of A Live Audience, The Humiliation Is As Great As Anything A Human Being Can Suffer.

And Man Created The Plastic Bag And The Tin And Aluminum Can And The Cellophane Wrapper And The Paper Plate, And This Was Good Because Man Could Then Take His Automobile And Buy All His Food In One Place And He Could Save That Which Was Good To Eat In The Refrigerator And Throw Away That Which Had No Further Use. And Soon The Earth Was Covered With Plastic Bags And Aluminum Cans And Paper Plates And Disposable Bottles And There Was Nowhere To Sit Down Or Walk, And Man Shook His Head And Cried: "look At This Godawful Mess.

There Isn't A Child Who Hasn't Gone Out Into The Brave New World Who Eventually Doesn't Return To The Old Homestead Carrying A Bundle Of Dirty Clothes.

I Contemplated Suicide. My Main Concern Was That I Would Not Make The New York Times Obituary Page.