Take My Wife... Please. I'm

I Saw Six Men Kicking And Punching The Mother-in-law. My Neighbour Said 'are You Going To Help?' I Said 'no, Six Should Be Enough.'

Slumps Don't Bother Me.

I Knew I'd Chosen The Wrong Airline When I Noticed The Sick Bag Had The Lord's Prayer On It.

Mind You, I've Always Been Musical... Mother Used To Sit Me On Her Knee And I'd Whisper, 'mummy, Mummy, Sing Me A Lullaby Do,' And She'd Say: 'certainly My Angel, My Wee Bundle Of Happiness, Hold My Beer While I Fetch Me Banjo.'

I Was Sat At The Bottom Of The Garden A Week Ago, Smoking A Reflective Cheroot, Thinking About This And That - Mostly That, And I Just Happened To Glance At The Night Sky And I Marvelled At The Millions Of Stars Glistening Like Pieces Of Quicksilver Thrown Carelessly Onto Black Velvet. In Awe I Watched The Waxen Moon Ride Across The Zenith Of The Heavens Like An Amber Chariot Towards The Void Of Infinite Space Wherein The Tethered Bolts Of Jupiter And Mars Hang Forever In Their Orbital Majesty; And As I Looked At All This, I Thought, 'i Must Put A Roof On This Lavatory.