Television Is A Triumph Of

Success Is Like Dealing With Your Kid Or Teaching Your Wife To Drive. Sooner Or Later You'll End Up In The Police Station.

Condensed Milk Is Wonderful. I Don't See How They Can Get A Cow To Sit Down On Those Little Cans.

We Are Living In The Machine Age. For The First Time In History The Comedian Has Been Compelled To Supply Himself With Jokes And Comedy Material To Compete With The Machine. Whether He Knows It Or Not, The Comedian Is On A Treadmill To Oblivion.

He Dreamed He Was Eating Shredded Wheat And Woke Up To Find The Mattress Half Gone.

Television Is A Device That Permits People Who Haven't Anything To Do To Watch People Who Can't Do Anything.