Ten Years After The Chernobyl

I Think The Idea That Death Is Not The End, That Your Dog's Just Gone To Live On The Farm, Is Limiting. Thoughts Like That Prevent You From Making The Most Of The Time That You Have.

I Think Being Successful In Comedy Is Being Funny And Making Jokes - Anything Beyond That Is The Icing On The Cake.

Swimming Is Good For You, Especially If You're Drowning. Not Only Do You Get A Cardiovascular Workout But Also You Don't Die.

My Favourite Road Sign Is 'falling Rocks'. What Exactly Am I Supposed To Do With That Information? They May As Well Have A Sign Saying "random Accidents Ahead", "life's A Lottery, Be Lucky."

My Mum Told Me The Best Time To Ask My Dad For Anything Was During Sex. Not The Best Advice I'd Ever Been Given. I Burst In Through The Bedroom Door Saying "can I Have A New Bike?". He Was Very Upset. His Secretary Was Surprisingly Nice About It. I Got The Bike.