The First Thing Any Comedian

It's Quite True I'm Not Drinking Anymore; However, I'm Not Drinking Any Less Either.

Ah, The Patter Of Little Feet Around The House. There's Nothing Like Having A Midget For A Butler.

You Can Fool Some Of The People Some Of The Time -- And That's Enough To Make A Decent Living.

A Man Without A Woman Is Like A Neck Without A Pain.

Variant: I Was Driven To Drink By A Woman. I Am Forever Grateful, Yet I Never Had The Good Manners To Thank Her.