The Only Reason I Can't

The Point Of Drinking In Moderation Is That Sometimes You Don't Drink In Moderation.

My Mother Would Say, Before I Left The House, 'remember Art, Hugs Are Better Than Drugs.' And I Believed My Mother, I Believed Everything She Said - Until The First Time I Got High At A Party. I Leaned Back, And I Went, 'god, This Is Way Better Than When My Uncle Perry Hugs Me. What Else Has My Mother Been Lying To Me About?

I Used To Be A Longshoreman. I Didn't Go To College. I Have A Voice That When I Say Something, It Can Sound Way Meaner Than You Think It Is.

I'm Very Resilient. The Only Thing I'm Missing Right Now Are Abs.

Women Will Do Anything Oprah Winfrey Says, And That Is Why We Can't Have Women Voting.