There's A Reason You Never

Vomit And Feces Are Two Reason I Have Decided Not To Procreate.

Next To Fat Babies, Midgets Are My Favorite Things To Hold. I Love Them So Much, And I Want To Help Them To Do Adult Things Like Drive Cars, Jet-ski, And Lip-synch. I’m In Awe Of Their Little Limbs, Their Large Craniums, And Their Medicine-ball Asses. I Love The Little Baby Steps They Take While Shifting Their Weight From Side To Side, And The Fact That When You Knock One Over Accidentally, He Flails Like A Turtle On Its Back That Can’t Get Up Right Away.

I Don't Know What It Is About Accents That Makes Me Want To Get Undressed And High-five Myself.

Men Don’t Realize That If We’re Sleeping With Them On The First Date, We’re Probably Not Interested In Seeing Them Again Either.

That Just Sends The Wrong Message To Everybody. [donald Trump] Should Have The Least Amount Of Air Time.