This Shirt Is "dry-clean Only"...

Every Picture Of You Is When You Were Younger.

Look At The Limes In This Drink, How They Float. That's Good News. Next Time I'm On A Boat, And It Capsizes, I Will Reach For A Lime. I'm Saved By The Buoyancy Of Citrus.

I Like Vending Machines, Because Snacks Are Better When They Fall.

I Hate Dreaming Because When You Want To Sleep, You Want To Sleep. Dreaming Is Work. Next Thing You Know, I Have To Build A Go-cart With My Ex-landlord.

A Snake Bite Emergency Kit Is A Body Bag.