We Have Two Kinds Of

I'm Not One Of Those Who Spring Up Yelling, "yippee! Another Day!" I'll Grumble And Sulk Around A Couple Of Hours, Reading Newspapers And Trying To Pick Out An Idea I Might Do Something With On The Show. But I Don't Really Start Functioning Until Noon Or Later; Then About Two I Go To The Studio And The Pace Begins To Quicken.

If Life Was Fair, Elvis Would Be Alive And All The Impersonators Would Be Dead.

They Say Atomic Rad-i-ation Can Hurt Your Reproductive Organs. My Answer Is, So Can A Hockey Stick. But We Don't Stop Building Them.

Do You Know My Dream? I Really Want To Become An Aluminum-siding Salesman.

Anytime Four New Yorkers Get Into A Cab Together Without Arguing, A Bank Robbery Has Just Taken Place.