When I Have A Really

Ex-girlfriends Will Find Themselves In My New Routine. Sometimes They Like That, And Sometimes They Definitely Do Not. But Comedians Should Come With A Giant Warning Or Disclaimer: If You Date Me, It Will Be In My Act.

I'm Watching Some Television Tonight. I'm Watching The Discovery Channel. You Know, This Channel, You Never Ever Plan On Watching This. It Just Happens. You're Flickin' Around, All Of A Sudden - Boom - You're Watching A Mole For An Hour-and-a-half.

I Don't Laugh Out Loud At Comics A Lot.

Teach Your Kids To Make Deplorable Choices And Hopefully They'll Rebel And Make The Right Ones.

It's An Incredible Feeling Falling In Love Someone Who Doesn't Know You Exist.