When I Was Seven, I

Valentine's Day Was Created By The Greeting Card Industry To Get Pussy.

Watching Soccer Just Makes Me Wish I Was Watching Foosball.

I'm A Realist All The Way. I'm Too Cynical To Be An Optimist. But I've Lived Too Much Of A Charmed Life So Far To Ever Be A Pessimist.

I Know Her In The Biblical Senseand When I Say That, I Mean I Don't Believe A Word She Says.

With Comics, You Always Talk About A Big Break, But There Are A Lot Of Big Breaks In Your Life And Not One Of Them Makes A Big Difference.