When Life Hands You Lemons,

I Was Almost Put Out Of Business By A Well-meaning Corpse.

I'm Looking For Loopholes. (said When Caught Reading The Bible.).

I Don't Know Why I Ever Come In Here. The Flies Get The Best Of Everything.

No One Likes The Fellow Who Is All Rogue, But We'll Forgive Him Almost Anything If There Is Warmth Of Human Sympathy Underneath His Rogueries. The Immortal Types Of Comedy Are Just Such Men.

I Think Of The Church Often. Not Because Religion Was Closing In On Me, But Because For A Long Time My Ass Was Sore From That Hard, Unupholstered Pew.