You Do Live Longer With

I Don't Mind Being 65, But Nobody Is Gonna Tell Me To Come In At 5:30 To Have The Early Bird Special.

When I Was In The Hospital They Gave Me Apple Juice Every Morning, Even After I Told Them I Didn't Like It. I Had To Get Even. One Morning, I Poured The Apple Juice Into The Specimen Tube. The Nurse Held It Up And Said, 'it's A Little Cloudy.' I Took The Tube From Her And Said, 'let Me Run It Through Again,' And Drank It. The Nurse Fainted.

That's The Great Thing About New Year's, You Get To Be A Year Older. For Me, That Wasn't Such A Joke, Because My Birthday Was Always Around This Time. When I Was A Kid, My Father Used To Tell Me That Everybody Was Celebrating My Birthday. That's What The Trees Are All About.

The Other Day My House Caught Fire. My Lawyer Said, "shouldn't Be A Problem. What Kind Of Coverage Do You Have?" I Said, "fire And Theft." The Lawyer Frowned. "uh Oh. Wrong Kind. Should Be Fire Or Theft."

If You Stop And Think About It, Nearly All Great Humor Is At The Expense Of Someone Or Something.