You Know How Everybody Has

I Come Up With My Jokes By Thinking Of A Topic.

Whenever I’m About To Have Sex With A Girl, I Play It Smart And Just Automatically Assume She Has Herpes; Because That Way I Don’t Have To Tell Her About My Herpes.

This Past Christmas, I Told My Girlfriend For Months In Advance That All I Wanted Was An Xbox. That's It. Beginning And End Of List, Xbox. You Know What She Got Me? A Homemade Frame With A Picture Of Us From Our First Date Together. Which Was Fine. Because I Got Her An Xbox.

I Want To Get A Tattoo Of The Word Irony, Only Misspelled.

I Never Go See Live Comedy Shows Because I Just Sit In The Audience Thinking, "here's What I Would Say. Here's What I Would Do If I Got Up There." It Drives Me Crazy.