You Never Know What People

There Are Times When I've Had Ideas Walking Down The Street That I Thought Were Great, And The Minute I Got Onstage, I Would Think Of Them And Go, 'wow, That Would Never Work,' Even Before I Did It In Front Of The Audience.

I Would Show Up At A Party For Al Qaeda If You Said There's Going To Be A Dinner.

If You Have The Old Testament At Home, If You Flip The Corner Pages, You Can See Jesus Riding A Horse.

If They'd Wanted A Nice Parrot, They Wouldn't Have Asked For Me.

Every Time I Give A Straight Answer And Read It In A Magazine, I Say, 'ouch.' One Day I'd Like To Talk To A Psychoanalyst About Why Celebrities Reveal So Much Of Themselves In Interviews.