Believe Me, You Have To

I Made A Killing On Wall Street A Few Years Ago...i Shot My Broker.

He [groucho's Father] Had Absolutely No Training, And If You Had Ever Seen One Of His Suits, You'd Realize What An Accurate Statement That Is. You See, Pop Never Used A Tape Measure. He Didn't Believe In It. He Said He Could Just Look At A Man And Tell His Size, With The Result That Frequently He'd Make A Pair Of Pants With One Trouser Leg Seven Or Eight Inches Longer Than The Other.

When You're In Jail, A Good Friend Will Be Trying To Bail You Out. A Best Friend Will Be In The Cell Next To You Saying, 'damn, That Was Fun.'

I Would Never Join A Country Club With Standards So Low As To Allow Me As A Member.

The Two Most Important Words In The World Are Honesty And Sincerity, If You Can Fake These You've Got It Made.