Children Should Neither Be Seen

I Note The Derogatory Rumors Concerning The Use Of Alcoholic Stimulants And Lavish Living. It Is The Penalty Of Greatness.

I've Been Barbecued, Stewed, Screwed, Tattooed, And Fried By People Claiming To Be My Friends. The Human Race Has Gone Backward, Not Forward, Since The Days We Were Apes Swinging Through The Trees.

Christmas At My House Is Always At Least Six Or Seven Times More Pleasant Than Anywhere Else. We Start Drinking Early. And While Everyone Else Is Seeing Only One Santa Claus, We'll Be Seeing Six Or Seven.

Abstaining Is Favorable Both To The Head And The Pocket.

Last Week, I Went To Philadelphia, But It Was Closed.