Every Time I Get On

Money Can't Buy You Happiness But It Can Pay For The Plastic Surgery.

My Love Life Is Like A Piece Of Swiss Cheese; Most Of It's Missing, And What's There Stinks.

Every Comedian Is Furious. Age Makes Me Angry. I'm Unhappy At Not Being Able To Open Packages Anymore. I'm Angry That Libraries Have Gone. I Hate Children On Planes. I'm Very Shallow, So They Tend To Be Little Things. To Be Honest, I Think I Was Probably Angry The Day I Was Born, You Know, About Diapers Or Something.

I Hate Thin People; 'oh, Does The Tampon Make Me Look Fat?'

All My Friends Are Dying. That's Why I Always Wear Black.