Golf Is My Real Profession.

I Never Kick My Ball In The Rough Or Improve My Lie In A Sand Trap. For That I Have A Caddie.

My Folks Were English. They Were Too Poor To Be British. I Still Have A Bit Of British In Me. In Fact, My Blood Type Is Solid Marmalade.

Everyone's Nervous These Days. Ronald Mcdonald Has Hired Six Bodyguards, And That's Just To Protect His Buns.

I Can Still Chase Women, Only Downhill

I've Been Playing Golf A Long Time, Although It's Not Really True That On My First Round They Strapped My Bag On The Back Of A Dinosaur.