Happiness Means Quiet Nerves.

I'm Looking For Loopholes. (said When Caught Reading The Bible.).

Anyone Who Hates Children And Animals Can't Be All Bad.

I Once Donated A Pint Of My Finest Red Corpuscles To The Great American Red Cross And The Doctor Opined My Blood Was Very Helpful; Contained So Much Alcohol They Could Use It To Sterilize Their Instruments.

Once, During Prohibition, I Was Forced To Live For Days On Nothing But Food And Water.

Never Eat At A Place Called 'moms', But If The Only Other Place In Town Has A Sign That Says 'eats', Go Back To Moms.