Here Is What Is Needed

Comedy Is A Blood Sport. It Flays The Truth And Spurts Twisted Logic. In America, People Become Comics Because We Don't Have Bullfighting.

I Pray If I Ever Find Out I Have Only About Three Minutes To Live It's During A Basketball Game, Because Then I'll Have, What, 10, 12 Years To Live?

Wouldn’t It Be Great To See A Line In All Movie Credits That Truthfully Says, “nobody Was Harmed In The Making Of This Film, And At The Cast Party, All Animals Got A Belly Belly Belly Rub”.

When I Played The Sahara Hotel In Las Vegas On New Year's Eve, I Got To Bring Wiley, My 85-pound Black Lab. He's Responsible For My Favorite New Year's Memory Of All: At The End Of The Show, He Ran Onstage And Then Out Across All The Tables In The Showroom, Sending Champagne Glasses And Gamblers Flying.

Citizens Are All Equal In Politics: We Each Have One Vote.