How Did I Ever Get

I Don't Worry About Getting Old. I'm Old Already. Only Young People Worry About Getting Old.

Everything That Goes Up Must Come Down. But There Comes A Time When Not Everything That's Down Can Come Up.

I Use The Cigar For Timing Purposes. If I Tell A Joke, I Smoke As Long As They Laugh And When They Stop Laughing I Take The Cigar Out Of My Mouth And Start My Next Joke.

I Can't Understand Why I Flunked American History. When I Was A Kid There Was So Little Of It.

It's Hard For Me To Get Used To These Changing Times. I Can Remember When The Air Was Clean And Sex Was Dirty.