I Became A Hero To

I Don't Know Whether This Is The Best Of Times Or The Worst Of Times, But I Assure You It's The Only Time You've Got. You Can Either Sit On Your Expletive Deleted Or Pick A Daisy.

You Can't Make Up Anything Anymore. The World Itself Is A Satire. All You're Doing Is Recording It.

I Worship The Quicksand He [richard Nixon] Walks In.

People Ask What I Am Really Trying To Do With Humor. The Answer Is, "i'm Getting Even

As My Good Friend Al Capp Told Me A Few Years Ago, The Best Thing To Do With A Confirmed [hotel] Reservation Slip When You Have No Room Is To Spread It Out On The Sidewalk In Front Of The Hotel And Go To Sleep On It. You'll Either Embarrass The Hotel Into Giving You A Room Or You'll Be Hauled Off To The Local Jug, Where At Least You'll Have A Roof Over Your Head.