I Drink Too Much. The

I Know I'm Not Sexy. In High School I Was Voted Most Likely To Masturbate.

I Once Had A Problem ... So I Tried Group Sex. Now I Have A New Problem - Who To Thank.

I Was A Poster Child... For Birth Control!

When I Was A Kid I Got No Respect. I Played Hide-and-seek. They Wouldn't Even Look For Me.

My Son's An Idiot. He Sprained His Ankle Playing Golf. He Fell Off The Ballwasher.